When we think of addiction, we imagine a red-eyed man moaning on a street corner or a malodorous father yelling at his little one—the pain is conspicuous and sharp. Yet, for the most part, addiction takes the form of quiet desperation—which is widespread in our culture. We fall asleep to television or snack well into the night. Those are treated as willpower problems and consequently do not receive proper treatment. We rely too much on motivation which fluctuates and does not result in lasting change. Our cure requires the same determination and structure as any other addiction.
Addiction Is the Cure
Addictions are repeated behavior that pulls us out of pain by means that cause long-term harm. The substance itself is not the problem; on the contrary, it is the solution. Somewhere in childhood, we faced turmoil and did not receive adequate love and redress. Instead, we discovered shadow versions of those in ephemera pleasures.
Perhaps chocolate comforted us when our classmates mocked us. Maybe a couple of glasses of wine alleviated our social anxiety. Instead of healthfully dealing with those problems, the substance came to our aid. With time and repetition, the addictive behavior became the only remedy for those psychological aches, and, like ink on paper, it colored more and more of our emotional landscape.
The Calamity of Addiction
The damage of addiction is twofold: in the action itself and in the negligence of emotions. I will focus on the latter and its implications.
Addiction is an indicator that there is an emotional clot. When a stream of pain comes rushing, we block it with the substance. Like taking a pain reliever, we only numbed the pain without healing the infection. Over time, the unaddressed issue accumulates and spreads throughout our psyche. We become emotionally weak and dependent, which makes us cynical and helpless.
Addiction robs us of growth. Pain is a powerful incentive to change and take action; the absence of pain results in numbness and procrastination. We never get to cultivate that magnificent relationship or start our passion business venture. We never get to reach our potential.
Our pains cover blessings: peace of mind, wisdom, joy, etc. We need to earn those—they do not simply manifest. Addictions cover up the pain and, as a consequence, cover up the blessings.
The Addiction Story
I was not popular in elementary school. I sat on the sidelines, watching my classmates discover their social side. My solution was to fake it. I will be anyone to be accepted. Needless to say that a seven years old kid does not have the strength to hold facades without a price. I came home from school exhausted, and my sense of unworthiness sharpened a little at a time. Soon enough, I discovered that food soothes this pain. I used to sneak into our snack cabinet, taking a few Kinder eggs, hiding them in my drawer, and gorging them when my parents slept. Sometimes, my mother caught me, which increased my shame around eating.
In middle school, I carried my weight as an emblem of disgust and guilt. That, of course, did not help my popularity. I developed a self-image of a repulsive, unworthy, and unloveable individual. I pushed down my wants and needs, as I did not feel I could ever get them. Love was something for other people to experience. My love was limited to sugar and carbs.
The Cure: Letting Go of Addiction
One of the quirks of our minds is that even though we know something is bad for us, we keep doing it. But that is just because we do not understand the underlying cause. The addictive behavior creates a good feeling; for example, social media provides an escape from our problems and anxiety. Once we undercover the feeling we try to address with the addiction, we can replace it with a healthier solution.
Once we understand our stories, we can grieve for the underlying pain and deficiencies that cause the addiction in the first place. It is a painful process but one that creates immense freedom for us. We are finally getting the education we were deprived of as children.