There is one secret that all great thinkers agree on. We begin our adult lives with grand aspirations, wishing to be world-renowned artists or entrepreneurs. Yet, only one percent will succeed. The differentiating factor (and the secret) is: we become what we think about.
While we long for self-actualization, we think of how we cannot bear uncertainty, how failure will ruin us, and how we are not the type of people you call “successful.” Our inner voice is our captain, and while it can get us to heaven, it stirs most of us to hell.
Our Past Becomes Our Future
As we learned our parents’ tongue, we also learned what the world is like, what we are like, and what we are capable of. The lessons did not spur from the words spoken (as we could barely process them) but from the whole experience. A mother’s panic about a bruise turned into fear and a need for safety. A father’s absence turned into an avoidance of intimacy.
While our parents represented a continuation of ourselves, our environment (viz., kindergarten, elementary school) portrayed the outer world. The environment taught us about our place in the social hierarchy and the consequences of our actions. In first grade picked a flower for a girl we liked, but she did not like the tribute. We did not have the resources to deal with the rejection, and—if our parents did not intervene—we learned that we are not good enough and should keep our emotions to ourselves.
Not every singular experience affected us in such a direct, colossal manner. Many factors influenced it: the intensity of the situation, the support we received from our environment, our innate sensitivity, etc.
Once our subconscious is in order, our inner voice manifests and echoes our beliefs outwards. Each situation kindles old experiences and re-enacts our past. We decide on a career, develop a relationship, and design our homes in a way that correlates to what we have known.
We are the beneficiaries of rather unfortunate baggage, t which is bound to determine our lives. Our fate is predetermined by forces that move in shadows. Our familial fears and societal values are sustained through us. We believe we are inferior, that our actions have no meaning, and that we are victims of life’s circumstances—and we become exactly that.
The relationship between our wants and our inner voice is akin to the relationship between a ship and a storm: we may try to resist, but the storm always wins.
Becoming the Captain of Our Souls
Trusting our natural inner voice is a gamble. A gamble that our inherent subconscious will happen to align with our higher selves. We should take responsibility for that.
While I believe psychotherapy is the best way to do it—as you surgically tweak and mend your subconscious—it is slow and not accessible to everyone. We can develop a better inner voice right now.
The first step is to contemplate what is a good inner voice for us. Generally, a good inner voice makes us vibrant, active, confident, and joyfully pessimistic. It should feel like a hug from a wise, warmhearted sage who endured many tragedies with solace and cheer.
We can cultivate our board of counselors. Taking bits and pieces from musicians we love, painters we admire, and authors we treasure. In the past, the Catholic Church advised their followers to pause and ask themselves: “What would Jesus say?” The aim was to tame the primal instinct and replace it with a wholesome response that is better for the individual and his community.
Instead of Jesus, we can choose someone better fitted to our authentic selves (which can switch with times and situations). For me, that is Michel de Montaigne, a 16th-century philosopher. I find him to strike a perfect balance between intelligence and humility. He is known for his humor and comforting perspective on humanity. And so, I often dress my inner voice as the wise Frenchman and ask myself: “What would Michel de Montaigne say?”